I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
