His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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