Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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