im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
pray to the hookup gods
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
