Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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