So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
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Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
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He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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