"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
