$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
