It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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