Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
