Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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