I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
