You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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