Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
cat food counts as protein by the way
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
