What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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