So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
