she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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