Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
