this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
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You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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