you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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