Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
