He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
