can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
