She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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