If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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