"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
