my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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