No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have fence marks all over my body
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
