So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
