Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
