No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
