I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
