I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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