She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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