she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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