Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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