don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
