I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
