my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
