you have to choose: penises or morals?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
