Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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