WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
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I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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