how can u be prego again
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
