oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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