Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
