I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
