She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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