"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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