He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
