I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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