I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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