I hate all girls vehemently.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
