I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
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