imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
