We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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