You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
