Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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