Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
