im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
