im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
