They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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