Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
