You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
