I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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